A Trainee Sport Psychologist's Journey – Turning a negative experience into a positive objective.

Hello everyone and welcome to our next blog post. Today we have the pleasure of reading about Taylor's journey. He speaks openly of his personal experience as a talented athlete, and how it inspired him to pursuse a career in Sport Psychology. He highlights how sadly, this brilliant field of Psychology remains largely unknown, and we hope by sharing this inspiring blog entry, many more aspirant Psychologists will consider this valued career path.

 Taylor Morrison

Trainee Sport Psychologist

taylor.morrison@sport-psychology.co.uk 

A Trainee Sport Psychologist's Journey – Turning a negative experience into a positive objective. 

I have never written a blog nor am I much of a blog reader this is very new to me! When my supervisor connected me and presented me with this opportunity, I was stumped for quite a while on what I should write, how formal does it need to be, how long does it need to be and what would readers want to know and read? I found that I have read more blogs these past two weeks then I have done my entire life in search of a common writing style, theme, or format that I could use and adapt… I didn’t find it. I decided to use this platform to share my story and experiences from a young elite athlete to a trainee Sport Psychologists and the twists, turns, struggles and successes along the way.

So, let’s go way back to 5-year-old me and my earliest memory of playing squash which at the time I had no idea would define my life. My dad was and still is a Squash Coach, he has played and coached the sport for more years than I have birthdays and has been managing his own club for the majority of that, so really, I had no choice in the matter! I was squash crazy from the get-go and was a natural. I was powerful, aggressive, determined, technically very good, great reactions, but most of all I was super quick on court. By 7 I remember playing against grown adults and able to hold my own against them and as the weeks, months and years passed I remember beating these adults, which at the time meant nothing, it was just fun. 

More weeks, months, and years passed and my ability took me into more competitive situations. I remember having tournaments around different parts of the UK, instead of playing adults for fun I was competing against other boys similar age to me with a prize at the end of it, training and practice was different, it was more serious, more often, more intense, and less fun. I took part in some team matches where my performance and result not only impacted me but 4 other people within my team. I represented my county and was recognised as a “county level squash player” and as this continued into my early teens it seemed the only option for me was to become a professional in the future. I believed it, my coaches, friends and their parents, competitors almost everyone I knew who saw me play or had worked with me saw this in my future.

The increase of intensity and expectation completely changed my view and attitude towards the sport. I was very anxious before any session and turned into a very angry and emotional player. Sometimes the anxiety got so high that I faked or over-exaggerated injuries or headaches to get out of certain situations I just didn’t want to face. Previously during games, I could brush aside losing points and making mistakes, but now I was prone to big outbursts of rage on the court, there was a 3-4 month period where I broke 3 squash racquets out of rage. Off the court and away from squash I couldn’t have been more different, you wouldn’t believe that the anxious and angry person on court was the same as the calm and always smiling young boy off it.

Around this time, I then started secondary school. I came in with a lot of confidence as I was always a very sociable person who found it easy to make friends and connect with others. But it didn’t take long before I started having a real issue with my identity and conflicting feelings towards squash and sport. The anxiety and angry outburst were getting worse, and I didn’t know what to do or who to talk to about it. It was clear that I needed support, but I hid the anxious feelings well so that nobody would notice. The angry outbursts were for all to see but maybe they were seen more as a show of passion and desire to win more than anything else.  Secondary school presented me with the first opportunity of other sport options and interests. PE was football, basketball, rugby, hockey etc, all of which I had never played before. Afterschool and weekends came with other options, video games, parks and outdoor socialising, arcades, and other sports… but until then all I knew or experienced was squash… all I identified as was a squash player.

 Arguably the most difficult part was realising that none of my new friends had every played squash, were interested in squash and a large majority had never even heard of it before… I lost count the number of “Squash? Like the Robinsons drink?” responses I had. This left me feeling very frustrated, very confused, and very lost. With squash there were always these anxious and angry feelings, but I felt I couldn’t just stop because of the expectations on me and the time and effort I had and continued to put in. But everything else was less anxious, less angry, and all-round more enjoyable. Throughout my first year of secondary school, I forced myself to play and compete in squash while experimenting in other sports I enjoyed as a way of managing my emotions, I thought mixing something bad with something good will work, and it did for some time! It was towards the end of a school year, I was 13 or 14 at the time, and my routine had me going to squash training 2 days a week after school. It was Wednesday and I was supposed to go from school straight to squash training for the second time that week and the thought of that filled me with so much fear and frustration. I just didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to make the journey, I didn’t want to practice, and this was the first time where I didn’t care about the demands and expectations of others… so I just went home instead. That decision turned out to make that week the last time I stepped foot on a squash court for many years.

The next few years of school life was a breath of fresh air compared to how the first 2 years went. I played every sport I had access to and found a real enjoyment in football which became my main sport. I very rarely competed, I avoided the school football team for several years because I didn’t want competition, I was scared the anxious and angry feelings would come back so I stuck with the friendly football sessions with friends at the park, or the local power league. When I did join the school football team it was very stop start, I attended training on the rare occasions it was on, but when it came to matchdays I often made on the day decisions whether I wanted to be a part of the squad or not, which was based on how anxious I was feeling. This continued all throughout secondary school where I got to choose where and when I wanted to be competitive, which for most of the time I avoided.

During A-Levels I chose to study Psychology as one of my 3 subjects because reading the description of the course interested me. Those lessons proved to be a revelation and I found that some lessons were tailored to me and explained and defined lots of emotions I was experiencing in the past. Although I have been describing it here as anxiety, I only knew it was anxiety after learning about it in these lessons, almost 5 years since I first experienced it. I learned what it was, what can cause it, what it feels like and how it can impact an individual, all of which I can relate back to many moments in my past. Psychology instantly became one of my biggest passions and interests. I loved talking about it, learning about different mental health issues or explanations of behaviour. I would read about different studies and experiments in my own time, some I even tried to recreate in my own way, which my poor younger sister was my test dummy for on many occasion. This drove me to study a BSc Psychology at University, which was also the first time getting back into squash since my younger teenage years. But I was less anxious, less angry and a lot more carefree because I understood those emotions and feelings a lot more. I managed to keep some of my ability from my earlier years and I was immediately recruited for the team, where I bounced between the first and second team for my 3 years there. Not once did I get angry or overly anxious because I was able to identify what my triggers were and either avoid them or put in place some coping strategies to manage them. The ability to identify triggers and use coping strategies were skills I was learning through my education, and I was able to put it into practice. 

After University I spent a couple of years working as a school teacher and grass roots football coach where I had a big focus on players' wellbeing. At this stage in my life, I didn’t know that Sport Psychology existed or was a potential career path I could take. I knew of its existence after watching Andy Murray respond to a mistake by breaking his racquet (against Kevin Anderson during the US Open in 2015). It was almost a replica to how I would react and break my racquet after a mistake or losing a point during my younger squash years. A few days later I was reading about the tournament and that game of Murray vs Anderson, and the journalist mentioned Sport Psychology, referring to Murray potentially needing a Sport Psychologist to help manage his emotions. Initially I was shocked, confused, and angry. Is the journalist stating that there are specific people out there whose role is to help athletes manage their emotions during sport, where was this for me 12 years ago!? Not managing my emotions was a huge factor to walking away from the sport and I'm now hearing that there were other options. This was around the time one of my friends I grew up with through squash just broke into PSA (Professional Squash Association) Top 50 players. I felt cheated, hurt, angry, remorseful, I felt as though that could and should have been me, but it wasn’t because I couldn’t handle the mental side of the sport and didn’t have access to the support out there. I went through a short spell of denial, the journalist didn’t know what he was talking about, there’s no such thing as Sport Psychology or people who focus on supporting athletes with the mental side of sport. All It took was a quick google search and I was introduced to the world of Sport Psychology. I found books, Psychologists, stories, athletes, and an entire step to step process of becoming a Sport Psychologists. To say I was excited and motivated to get into this line of work is an understatement, but what I can say is it took me a little over 1 month to identify the pathway, quit my job as a teacher and enrol into Sport and Exercise Psychology MSc due to start that year.

After completing my Master’s degree and enrolling onto the Qualification for Sport and Exercise Psychology (QSEP) it brings me to the current stage of my life where my motivation is just as strong. The motivation is to support young people to reach their full potential, despite the mental side of sport, regardless of what level they play at. I currently work as a mental health project officer at Watford Football Club Community Trust creating projects and programmes for those within our community seeking support and / or advice for their mental health. I currently work on two programmes, one that educates year 6 students on the topic of mental health, the aim is to raise awareness and provide tips and techniques to support their own mental health. The second targets men aged 18+ that are either diagnosed with a mental health issue or are seeking support for their mental health. We bring these individuals together for a safe, inclusive, and undemanding game of football as well as support them as much as we can on their journey. 

Since starting my QSEP journey at the start of 2022 (which hasn’t been easy) I volunteered at Watford Football Club Academy as a trainee Sport Psychologist building a Psychology division and providing mental health support to players. QSEP has not been easy, infact it has been one of the hardest challenges I have faced! I was never one for education to start with, you may have noticed when speaking about school or university I didn’t go into detail about the education itself. All through secondary school, my Undergraduate degree and my Master’s degree was tough and at times I couldn’t believe I was putting myself through the struggle of essays, readings, referencing and education all over again. Reading and writing as a whole was never my strength, more my weakness so if you noticed any mistakes while reading this that is why! But there is no other way to reach my goals. I aspire to help all with their mental health whether that involves sport or not. I aspire support young people, giving them the tools and education to support their own mental health, should they need to, and feel confident enough to educate and support others. My end goal, once qualified, is to remain within a football club academy and support the young players with the mental side of elite sport and ensure what happened to me during my time in elite sport doesn’t happen to anyone else.

Thank you Taylor for writing  so honestly about your journey. Knowing about ups and downs can prove so helpful for anyone considering Psychology as a career, and seeing how powerful psychological knowledge can be in shaping future sport stars, athletes and anyone partaking in sport is extremely valuable. Recognising how Psychology can be made practical and enhance performance is truly inspiring.

Were you inspired to write your own blog from reading about Taylor? Get in touch with the team.

Kind regards,

The Pathways team.