When being right is not enough – the importance of coming alongside. The experiences of an Educational Psychologist

 Hi everyone

Here is our next blog post. Today we are learning from Caomhán McGlinchey, Educational Psychologist. Caomhán talks openly about his own experiences which have helped form him into the practitioner Psychologist he is today. He reminds us of the importance of really connecting to our clients and their experiences, to guide us as Psychologists, in any intervention we may suggest.

We hope you will find his blog entry an inspiration and perhaps one that could fuel your own interest in a career in Psychology. 

I never watched The Wire. Apparently, it’s amazing, and “right up my street”.

But I never watched it.

I have a DVD box set (remember those?) of the first series in the back of my car right now because I never took it into the house when my friend lent it to me. But we’ll get back to that...

For me, working in mental health is as much about the principles you learn through practice as it is about the things you learn in books and classrooms.

Like most mental health practitioners, my first experience of mental health was with my own. I struggled with anxiety a lot, particularly in my 20s, and I continue to need help with this. Anyway, when I was in my early 20s, I was drinking too much and feeling pretty depressed, so I went to my GP. She told me that I should try to reduce my drinking and get some exercise.

This was good advice. The NHS suggests that drinking more than 14 units per week has negative physical- and mental health outcomes, whereas exercise has been shown to lift a person’s mood and reduce depressive symptoms.

So why was I crying when I got back in the car?

The reason is that I did not feel ‘heard’. I did not feel like I was taken seriously and my emotions were not validated. Humans like to feel autonomous, and while they might be open to receiving help, they are unlikely to want solutions handed back to them immediately, even if these are the “right” solutions.

Let’s go back to The Wire. My best friend recommended it to me and handed me the box set. He told me I’d love it, and so I put it away and never even opened it. What he could have tried to do was to talk about how much he enjoyed it, or talk about how “a lot of people are raving about the wire, would you consider watching it with me?”

During my doctoral training to be an Educational Psychologist, there was a lot of talk about ‘coming alongside’ the people we work with. The journey metaphor is one I like. The idea is that – even when a mental health practitioner is confident that they know the right strategy – they shouldn’t offer this ‘solution’ immediately. Nor should they dispassionately ‘signpost’ this information and move on. This would be the equivalent of telling someone what their destination is when they are lost. Chances are, they’ll need more guidance than that, especially if they’re facing the wrong way!

My GP saw that I was facing the wrong way and told me where I need to be. However, in doing so, she made me feel foolish and embarrassed.

Now, you might have read this story and thought “I would never speak to someone like that” – but don’t go congratulating yourself just yet!

As mental health practitioners, we often want to ‘rescue’ others, in part because of our own stories. We are therefore at risk of “taking on” other people’s difficulties because we begin to feel responsible for them. I think this is more common among practitioners who are at an early stage of their career. Personally, I have put a number of strict boundaries in place in order to protect myself in this regard, and I know the most successful practitioners take self-care very seriously. Perhaps that would be a useful blog for a newly qualified or trainee practitioner to write?

Anyway, my point is that you can’t ‘rescue’ everyone. In fact, maybe you shouldn’t even want to rescue everyone? Remember, it’s important to empower others, and not to take away their opportunity for growth and change. Being a mental health practitioner is about effecting meaningful change, but this means being realistic about who is going to do the bulk of the meaningful work. Spoiler alert: It’s the client!

Am I contradicting myself when I say: Don’t just offer an immediate ‘solution’, but don’t be too empathetic either? I don’t think so. I think the answer is about finding a “Goldilocks Zone” between these two extremes.

Ultimately, our goal in these allied professions is to really understand how a person got to where they are; to really listen to their story and try to imagine how it’s been for them, even if – in fact maybe especially if – you do not agree with their actions. Failing to do this means you run the risk of leaving your clients feeling isolated and unheard. From here, you can start to use your training, knowledge, and experience to add theoretical context and wisdom to your formulation. Being too emotionally involved will hinder your capacity to do this. Once you’ve found the Goldilocks Zone and arrived at an understanding of a situation, it’s finally time to offer advice. And the secret to offering advice is not to offer advice. Instead, we talk about hypotheticals: “What do you think would happen if someone bought you a gratitude journal? Do you like writing or would it just gather dust in the cupboard?” Another approach is to talk about a relevant but ephemeral group who are “trying” things. “I know a lot of parent carers are getting into mindfulness. They just find like a 5-minute window to breathe and I’m hearing it actually really helps.”

Finally, why not combine the two? “Apparently a lot of kids your age are trying to set time aside to do an audit of how they feel. They just say into themselves something like: ‘I know I am anxious because I feel a lightness in my chest’. What do you think about that? Does it sound silly? Why do you think it helps them?”

The most effective mental health practitioners I’ve ever met have understood the importance of “coming alongside” their clients and trying to see things from their perspective in a sympathetic way – even when they disagree with them deep down. Hopefully, their approach will help you as you embark on your future career. 

Thank you so much Caomhán for your thought provoking blog. I am sure it will prove useful as a  guide to any Psychologist, newly qualified or perhaps more experienced alike.

Get in touch if you wish to add your own blog to our collection. We aim to highlight the variety of careers in the Psychology arena, specifically all practitioner roles. We focus on the experiences and reflections individuals share as they themselves complete the necessary training and embark on their careers.

Kind regards,

The Pathways Team.