A balancing act: James' journey to becoming a Counselling Psychologist and Integrative Psychotherapist

Hi everyone and welcome to the Pathways to Psychology blog.

This time we hear from James Fellows, Trainee Counselling Psychologist and Integrative Psychotherapist– Third year doctoral trainee at Metanoia Institute. James' journey is one of reflection, growth, and commitment. He has experienced some disappointments along the way, but had since found his calling and was flourishing. Happy reading!

 

                 James Fellows

Trainee Counselling Psychologist   and Integrative Psychotherapist

                  Balancing Act 

So I’m sitting down to write this blog post, urging myself to find the time amongst working within the NHS, seeing clients for therapy on placement, writing university assignments, completing research interviews, juggling social connections with friends and family, being in the process of moving house, trying to be present for my girlfriend, and endeavouring to look after myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

I’ve always been pretty good at juggling different demands and switching where my energy and attention may need to go, however this ability has most certainly been tested whilst trying to attend to the aforementioned list. If there is one phrase that would describe my experience of completing doctoral training in psychology, it is “balancing act”. 

Not only does the training demand much of you and in a variety of ways (creating your own research, reading (+++), writing assignments, engaging in group process and personal therapy, completing placement hours with clients), but there is the important fact that other demands in life don’t just stop when you begin training. 

                     My Journey 

Whilst it is important to acknowledge that training to become a Counselling Psychologist is different to training in other forms of psychology, such as Clinical or Forensic, it remains that the process is rigorous and testing by its very nature. 

I began working for the NHS around 8 years ago and entered in the usual way for those pursuing an interest in psychology, as a clinical support worker (or healthcare assistant). I came to realise rather quickly that Assistant Psychologist posts were like gold dust and there was the well-known dilemma of needing more experience to apply for a role to gain experience (to gain enough experience to then apply for doctoral training). 

I was (and am) very grateful for my time in the NHS, working with and learning from some incredible Psychiatric Nurses, Doctors / Psychiatrists, Occupational Therapists, Support Workers, Therapists, and of course, Psychologists. After a number of years, I progressed to working as an Assistant Psychologist in both an inpatient psychiatric hospital and in an intensive home treatment team. 

After initially applying for Clinical Psychology training twice and not getting on the course, I decided to take stock in amongst my feelings of rejection, frustration, and disillusionment. Was Clinical Psychology the only route? How could it be so competitive and what were my odds of getting a place? Was it the right route for me? After time reflecting, I realised that although Clinical Psychology had the allure of being funded and you would be paid a salary throughout your training, was it really aligned with me? 

I looked further into Counselling Psychology training and resonated so much with its Humanistic and existential roots, taking more of a holistic and non-pathologising approach than one of which I had observed working in the NHS and its medical model. Downside? It wasn’t funded and it would mean I needed a doctoral loan and to continue working near on full-time throughout my training. Oh well, I’ve always liked a challenge (and can say honestly at this point I still don’t regret it even as I look over my current hectic schedule). 

I am now in my third year of training, entering the fourth year come September, and how have I found it? The moments I’ve most enjoyed have been related to experiential learning, either in group process (that can also be very confronting and awkward), or from applying techniques and theory on placement with clients. I love learning and so getting into the various psychological theories in lectures has been interesting, but when you apply and truly experience what you have learnt, that is when the puzzle starts to come together. 

               My Motivations 

I chose to complete my doctoral research exploring why therapists and psychologists choose such a career choice, an under-researched and neglected area of the literature. Therefore, it would be quite ironic if I omitted discussing some of my own inspirations or motivations for my choice. 

I must have a been a child when I told myself, “I need to understand others and why they do what they do”. It is only upon reflection and work in personal therapy, that I came to realise that a key survival strategy in my childhood and adolescence was to anticipate and meet the needs of others. This likely stemmed from having two parents who, whilst they were well-intentioned and loving, were often unpredictable in their own ways and did not model emotional understanding or expression with me. 

I was a “people pleaser” through and through and felt like I was quite good at it (whilst then of course abandoning and disconnecting from my own needs in the process, of which it seemed I was also very good at it). Throw into the mix my younger adopted brother entering our family when I was age 10, where he showed me firsthand the detrimental impacts that trauma can have on a person (and the people around them). 

Come age 14 and I had decided I was either going to become a psychologist or a vet (not sure of motivations on the vet front, but I just knew I loved animals). 

I feel that my motivations for career choice are intimately tied to my earlier experiences, where I have become aware of a desire to support others that also intersects with a desire to heal myself through the process of becoming a psychologist. As I have come to learn, the doctoral training requires a strong emphasis on the latter, predominantly in exploring and understanding our own wounds, enabling the prioritisation of the client’s frame of reference and their needs and wounds. Of great importance to note here is Jung’s archetype of the “wounded healer”, where he suggested that one’s own suffering and vulnerability uniquely prepares (and draws) one to become a healer of others, drawing on their own experiences and wounds to greater support others in their respective wounds.

               Future Plans 

When I consider my next steps after qualifying as both a Counselling Psychologist and Integrative Psychotherapist (hence the 4-year training on my specific course), I foresee a variety of avenues that I am interested in. I have a desire to work in part for the NHS and provide psychological support for people regardless of their ability to afford to pay for it, whilst then coming into tension with my personal experience of moral injury of partaking in such an overburdened and under-resourced system. Alongside this, I plan to work in private practice and enjoy the benefits of controlling my own time, caseload, and way of working. I then imagine enjoying providing supervision to others, teaching future trainees, and offering CPD on areas of interest / speciality. 

Advice for Aspiring Psychologists 

For those who have read this far, I do hope I haven’t dulled your passion, excitement, or hope for psychology training. It really is worth it and as aforementioned, I do not have any regrets… (bar one, which I shall now share with you). 

My advice for aspiring psychologists is threefold:

Firstly, don’t put your whole life on hold whilst trying to get onto (or during) the training. Whilst of course, it demands dedication, hard work and sacrifice, your life outside of the course is of great importance. As the phrase goes, “don't get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life”. I think that the pressures of getting on the training and then whilst on, often take away from where you are NOW and gratitude for the present moment. Take stock, breathe, go to that party, take that trip.

Secondly, in my view what contributes to making a great therapist and psychologist is someone who has really experienced life. This means living a life, experiencing variety, challenging yourself, making mistakes and learning from them (and then making them again), taking risks, feeling your emotions and expressing them in a number of ways, and connecting to your WHY (why do you want to do the training and what do you want to do in your life and time on this earth). All the above will enhance your connection to yourself and bolster your application for the training (so really a win-win, no?).

Thirdly, get creative and don’t give up. Rejection hurts, I know it well. It’s important to remember that this process is elusive, frustrating, and flawed. No doubt, each year there are many excellent candidates who do not get onto the doctoral training. Rather than remain in the disillusionment and frustration (I know it’s tempting and please do spend some time here, that is also important), get creative and think is this the only path to achieve what you want or are there other routes? An incredible psychologist, supervisor and mentor once told me two things that stuck with me, after I told her I had not received a place on the clinical doctorate: “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor” and “Make a plan, make two, make 10”. Effectively, what I’m saying is that rejection can be both a teacher to help you grow and become a better sailor (psychologist / therapist / human), as well as the value of making various plans of avenues to explore. This might include looking at different counselling or psychotherapy trainings, or NHS funded posts for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) / systemic, or maybe something entirely different! 

I hope you enjoyed reading this and it was of value or interest to you. 

Peace and love, 

James. 

Thank you so much James for sharing your crossroads, ups and downs, and desire to find your WHY. It is inspiring to see the space you hold for living and being whilst under pressure with your training commitments. We wish you every success moving forward.

Maybe reading about James reminded you of your own journey. Get in touch to add your own blog entry.

Kind regards,

The Pathways team.